Date smarter, not harder.


So it begins again. The online dating binge after another online match gone wrong. The 100 left swipes and 2 right. The sent and awaited for messages. The guessing games. The no replies. The anxiety. The inappropriate or ridiculous texts. It’s way too much effort for this old school romantic who is currently writing this whilst snuggling on a blanket laden bed with an English breakfast tea and her dog. Side note; the only man she actually needs right now!

I realized tonight that whenever I feel like I’m losing out in the dating world I try to date more. I compare myself to others. I ask myself why am I not finding suitable men? What can I do differently? Constantly trying to reinvent the wheel or pick at my own flaws. Maybe my mistake lies therein? So I’ve decided, I’m going to be that girl living her best life, who is dating smarter not harder. But how does one do this?

Recently and for years I’ve dated duds: Mr keto come commitment phobe 3 months later, Mr women’s sport coach come getting phone calls (I can clearly see) from another online date during our date, Mr ghosts me, Mr let’s me down, Mr I never hear from again, Mr I’m divorced and have a kid at 30, Mr I want to see you everyday and give you no independence, Mr red flag, Mr when can I see you again and never contacts, Mr compliments galore with no follow up text, Mr I don’t do boring dates, Mr narcissist, Mr gym junkie, Mr I’ll invite you out for cannoli and break up with you over a perfect Italian dessert (who does that?), Mr too good to be true; who is also a dud, Mr blind date, Mr can’t look me in the eye on the date even though my cleavage was covered, Mr can I call you numerous times before I meet you in hope you’re not a creep, Mr you pick somewhere, Mr can we raincheck and Mr texts me at midnight, Mr wears a Nike hoodie on a coffee date and the list, unfortunately, goes on.

For me, dating has always been a challenge. Full of guessing. Games. Tears. Ruminating. And most of all, stories. Basically, I’m at a point where I date for the stories because I have little faith in finding someone that gets me. Someone that loves my family, my values and my dog. Someone that is a companion, is honest and wants to celebrate and live life together. 

I’ve done my fair share of dating and know what to look for and what to walk away from. Because I listen to my gut. I date smarter not harder. I analyse less, I’ve stopped overthinking as much and I base my dates purely on how I feel. Is there an attraction/connection? Do I feel comfortable around him and his personality? Do I feel he’ll treat me right? I try to draw on past feelings I’ve experienced in dating to help me navigate the future ones, but it’s a fine line between bringing the past into the present and I’m the perfect example of that. This was always a challenge for me as I struggled to let myself be vulnerable after so many romantic blunders. Dating smarter not harder is a process. I’m learning to give less chances, be more decisive in myself and my emotions and stick with my gut as my feelings of attraction and intuition usually cannot be swayed no matter how hard I try. I just need to back myself and believe that Mr when can I see you next one day delivers and keeps on delivering.

b. xx

One Comment Add yours

  1. Kiara says:

    Brilliant! You go girl! 💪👊


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